tonight i opened my underwear and sock drawers and heaved a huge sigh of frustration.

the one drawer is crammed so full that i can barely open it - a motley assortment of undergarments, some lacy and expensive and often i feel too nice to wear so it just sits in the drawer, bought during a once-every-five-years splurge of a shameful amount of euros at galeries lafayette, some so battered and beaten that they're an embarrassment but i'm too  lazy to throw them away...

some persistent digging underneath the messy top layer whose mismatched contents somehow keep ending up on the floor every time i open the drawer reveals a neat layer of paired-together socks, rolled-up stockings and carefully folded bras and underwear, the remnants of an underwear folding lesson from my korean girlfriend who shocked me by revealing that folding underwear was her HOBBY.

say what? "yes you know, i always dreamed of being the perfect housewife, i love to fold underwear, its my hobby!", she replied to my disbelieving stare. i wondered to myself, is this information that i should know about her?  but more importantly, usually when i think hobbies, i think reading, cooking, photography, computers, shopping, sewing, sports...but folding underwear? am i missing something? never saw that one as a checkbox on a generic list of interests and hobbies.

and finally, is this a required skill on a perfect housewife's resume? and do girls actually dream of being the perfect housewife? these are questions not really in the scope of this entry, but they did run through my head as i stood there, watching my girlfriend as she diligently set about folding and sorting my dozens of pairs of socks, underwear and the like. usually i would feel uncomfortable letting someone else do such a task for me and especially touch my undergarments but i was so puzzled that i just sort of stood by helplessly while my gf passed on her expertise.

now i will admit that a neatly organized underwear drawer is a huge time-saver in the morning b/c you simply open the drawer and hop! pick what you're going to wear instead of pawing through piles and piles looking for two matching socks or at least two socks of the same color, plus the right bra that goes with the shirt that you're going to wear to work, etc etc.

but as anyone who has ever seen my desk at work which is piled with the most unseemly mess of papers, sugar wrappers, espresso cups, office supplies and whatnot that you can probably imagine on someone's work desk, this blissful state did not last very long.

anyway, there is a second drawer which is home to what i like to call "the lonely socks club". every time i do laundry, i end up with a fistful of socks that have mysteriously lost their mates, so they get thrown in this other drawer in the hopes that next time around, their other halves will come out of their hiding places for a happy reunion.  sometimes i discover a hole in one sock so i promptly throw it away to avoid wearing it again b/c i HATE that and i keep the other one, thinking, usually correctly, that another pair will suffer the same fate and at least i don't waste two pairs of socks. sadly enough, the lonely socks club is getting bigger and bigger...

to extrapolate this ridiculous reflection on my life as a whole, i think that i need to do some reorganizing...but its more fun to just sit here and blog about it instead...besides my hobby is procrastination (yes, look at my profile) so i think i'll deal with the sock dilemma another day...or invite my gf back over!

As much as I love French people, I absolutely must indulge myself in a little rant of frustration here... The big boss of my department has recently been assigning me a lot of work, all of which I find extremely interesting and am happy to do. However, I'm feeling a bit conflicted...On the one hand, I am pleased to have been entrusted with such important "reflections" within the company and in the growing confidence that my hierarchy has been showing in me. On the other hand, I feel that my responsibilities are unclear and I'm sort of spread out in all these different directions and I don't know where I'm going or what I'm supposed to be doing. So yesterday at lunch, I casually mentioned to my direct boss that I was confused about a specific "brainstorming" task that I had been asked to do by the big boss, as first of all I am not the one working on this project, and secondly I am not really sure what insights that I could possibly bring to this "brainstorming". To which he offhandedly replied that anyway my priority should be some OTHER project (which not so incidentally is also not clear). Errrr...huh? Not only did he skirt the issue and leave my question unanswered, but he replied by giving me something else to do...that's very helpful...Is it because he didn't know the answer but didn't want to say that he didn't know so he just replied with another problem? Is it because my question was stupid so he didn't even think it was worth answering? Is it because he didn't want to make a decision or be forced to arbitrate? Perhaps I am too American in my desire for clearly stated and well-organized projects, objectives and responsibilities. Or perhaps I am entrenched in an Asian mindset of authority, hierarchy and accountability. I personally don't feel that these things are too much to ask. But after two years of working in this country and feeling like I'm finally starting to "get" it, I refuse to sit around and soul-search, thinking that the problem is me and filling my head with self doubts. But you know, I think that the problem is not me, its THEM. I mean, I'm really trying hard to understand the French way of working and thinking but I must admit that sometimes I'm at a complete loss and I need a little help here dammit! So why is this entry in "Health and Wellness" ? Because I'm going crazy trying to figure out you people. =P And why the photo of tangled electrical wires (taken in Korea in summer 2003)? Because if you took a picture of my brain after work, that's what you would see.

i was recently alerted to the fact that the frequency of my blog updates has not been to the satisfaction of my readership.

therefore, in a special shout-out to AP, XR, JR, DB (who we miss very much today), RN and anyone else who wants to bug the shit out of me while i'm trying to work, because that is what some of us do when we are physically present at the office:

hté"è'-(è-&'(&,kl,gfs*njyeuytrç_zyèt--'éèuhgnb ,hùRTkjiu_çé')'(è-(çt87964(é35H6N254JTNBH§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§!

SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

aaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuughggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh

i cannot figure out what this trackback thing is all about so just bear with me for a little bit.

ok, my test is finished. trackback allows others to obtain a URL for a specific blog post and refer to it on their own site, on a blog or non-blog (i am guessing). i suppose that this feature is useful if you actually have a blog with something important and meaningful to say.

however, i can't really imagine that anyone would trackback anything whatsoever on mine since all i do is whine, rant and criticize.

speaking of which, it has come to my attention that i am full of nothing but criticism for the french. to which i say that i think that i am becoming more french than i care to admit. or perhaps i was always this way.

so just to appease my frenchy audience, i will tell you about a recent unpleasant encounter that i had on the american side.

i called my credit card company to cancel one of my cards. like most credit-happy americans, i have too many cards, which can be detrimental to my credit rating since potential lenders ask themselves the question why does this person need so much credit?

i was switched over to someone that handles account closings, who in a very sugary and cheerfully obnoxious voice tried to plead and coax me into keeping the account open. at first i offered feeble protests, citing a low credit line & high interest rate, to which the representative immediately and pleasantly countered with promises to remedy my unhappiness. i then firmly informed her that i was trying to reduce the number of cards in my possession and that there was nothing she could do to convince me to keep the card. case closed.

her tone suddenly changed as she wrapped up with cold, empty formalities and she made no attempt to hide her displeasure at my unwillingness to sucuumb to her little sales pitch. i hung up, a bit disgusted and puzzled as to how an exchange that had started off so sickeningly sweet and pleasant could have become so disgruntled and downright rude.

the american notion of customer service can be very refreshing on a superficial level when everything is going smoothly. throw a little something unexpected or inconvenient into the fray, however, and watch the pleasant mask fall away...

i recall another incident on american airlines (the worst airline EVER, i might add!), flying back for xmas last year from ny to paris. the stewardess came around and asked with a smile what i wanted to drink. i asked for hot chocolate and received a stiff, resentful look and the snotty answer, "we don't HAVE hot chocolate on american airlines". was that really necessary? a simple, "i'm sorry, we don't serve hot chocolate but could we offer you some xyz?" would have been sufficient.

then later, the plane landed and the announcements came on to remain in our seats until the seat belt signs were turned off. i watched with great amusement as all of the french people, for whom the saying "rules are made to be broken" seems to be a way of life, bounded out of their sites as soon as the plane stopped moving and started noisily rummaging through the overhead bins for their hand luggage. a stewardess immediately ran out and started SCREAMING "didn't you hear the damn announcement?!?! what's wrong with you people? stay in your goddamn seats until the seat belt signs are turned off or else no one is getting off this plane!" DOH! the darker side of service with a smile...

for all the americans that complain about nasty french customer service, i say that at least with french people, you know exactly where you stand and you don't feel like they are greedily pandering to your wallet. people that work in customer service are after all human beings, not some puppet on whom you can vent all of your pathetic frustrations from your pathetic life, just b/c you're going to fork over a couple of dollars. if french people don't want to help you or if you're treating them like shit, you can just forget about customer service. i've seen french waiters, salespersons, airline stewards unhesitatingly argue with customers, give them the cold shoulder and flatly refuse to serve them b/c they did not like how they were being addressed.

there are downsides to the french notion of "customer service" which i will not get into here b/c i said that i was going to say some nice things about french people (although i can't help myself here, can anyone say "NOOS", the worst cable company on the planet?) but still, having worked as a waitress and as a salesperson, i can honestly say that i secretly prefer the french way...i would rather know openly how the other person feels about me and i despise hypocrisy, of which americans can be quite guilty.

ok that's enough niceties about the french. the fridge & cat litter box are emitting putrid odors, calling out for me to clean them...

i just stepped on my own foot and hurt myself while seated at my desk. the height of absurdity. did i tell you that i am extremely clumsy?

in addition, here is my Top 5 list, "how can my colleagues torture me this week?"

1. "ça sent l'aïl!"
2. i do not know how jr is, why don't you ask him yourselves?
3. making fun of my pink paisley shirt TODAY even though i have worn it many times already!
4. pink paradise & friends
5. american pee-PUL!

tout ça mérite...une boulette chacun!

i just spilled coffee all over myself and the carpet. as much as i would like to blame it on something french, i have to let you all in on a little secret, or maybe its not so secret - i am ridiculously clumsy. yes i know that may come as a bit of a surprise, given my sophisticated, poised, well-groomed appearance but we all have a skeleton in the closet or ten so...ok, yeah...right...

so in addition to contributing to the "pourriture" of our workspace, i now reek of coffee.   who would have thought that spilling some coffee all over your pants would leave such a repugnant odor behind? damn i smell terrible! i can barely sit here without feeling sickly smelling...myself...beurk!

i would try to cover it up with some perfume but i think that will only make things worse, even though that's why the french invented perfume in the first place - to mask offensive body odor...

perhaps i am truly assimilating into french culture? is this what its like to be french?

as i sit here gorging myself on butter-drenched popcorn - yes, that's beurk for your frenchies - at 1am on a wednesday night, i have been thinking about today's reason why i can't figure out french people...

one reason why i love going to the movies is for the popcorn. back in the US, you can get liquid butter poured on your popcorn and in my favorite theaters, they even have self-serve stations where you can squeeze to your heart's content this artery-clogging, disgustingly artificial tastes-like-butter liquid (come on its not real butter!) all over your innocent popcorn, to the point where it leaks through the bag and even a wad of napkins as wide as 3 tolstoy novels stacked on top of each other can't stench the flow of butter onto your lap. yes i did that once and my friends swore to never share popcorn with me ever again.

so imagine my surprise and total disappointment upon my first visit to a french cinema when the girl at the counter asked "Sucré ou salé?", or "sugar or salt". huh??? and of course, NO BUTTER!

did you know that popcorn was invented in america - it says so on the back of this microwave popcorn box that i ordered online at ooshop! i almost died laughing when i read this educational blurb about the history and origins of this american treat, which the french have translated as "grains de maïs à éclater", along with some tidbits of american culture.

apparently, popcorn has existed on the American continent for over 5,000 years and is the snack of choice in the US. i also learned that america is a cultural melting pot with many different tastes, and that jazz, rock and roll or country music are other pieces of the "american way of life". the popcorn box says so! right over the sunny picture of our nation's capitol! i learned so much from a box of popcorn, who would have thought?

anyway, leave it to the french to wax intellectually on the history of popcorn as well as the finer points of american culture on the back of a microwave popcorn box. i know that our food is really disgusting, full of chemical additives, preservatives and other artificial nastiness, but all i have to say is that french popcorn sucks! sugar popcorn? BEURK!

www.popcorn.org

welcome to my sideline, running commentary about the life of a korean-american living in, yes you guessed it, the city of light (or is it love?), paris.

as there is a very high probability of this blog being read by my coworkers and even my bosses, i seriously question whether or not i will be able to maintain the integrity of a "blog" as a candid expression of my thoughts or feelings to the worldwide web community. or whether i will actually manage to stay on this side of the employment line with my various rantings about the people that we all love to hate - but most affectionately, of course - the french, in all of their intellectual, stubborn, artistic, arrogant, innovative, exasperating, circularly logical, resistant to change, rational, socialist, morose, reflexive, unreasonable, conflicted, pensive, avant-garde, philosophical, exigent, generous, wary, brilliant, scornful, sarcastic, curious, xenophobic, compassionate glory.

i hope that my beloved french friends and colleagues will not get their feathers into a bunch over my lighthearted commentary, but two years of fighting a battle of me vs. the french and working in one of the most sought-after places of employment in france and perhaps in europe, a fact of which we are not-so-subtly reminded and ceremoniously declared in several major magazines gives me some sort of material on which i can make some well-deserved observations, or at least amuse myself with my rantings...

i suppose that i should also broaden the scope of my rantings to include my travels, despite half a dozen half-assed efforts elsewhere to share online albums and my useless, random thoughts on being korean, american and most importantly, a human being...oh well, its late and i have to go to bed soon. bah!